the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
