I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize