but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
