i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
