He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
