I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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