Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
