I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
