I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
His nipple licking is glorious
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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