I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
no you cant smoke seaweed
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
