i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
