There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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