We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
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Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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