I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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