I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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