Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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