I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
