He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I could fuck to npr.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize