So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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