addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i now understand why vodka
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
