Nicole vs. Life
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize