And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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