yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date