I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
