Non-Jews are for practice
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
