I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you had me at cake vodka
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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