I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?