the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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