dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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