Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
