the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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