Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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