i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
