I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
