I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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