wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
3 2 1 whiskey
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
