we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
