Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
