She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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