I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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