I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
