His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
