...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
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Im just a social blackout drinker.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
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Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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