I'm so fucking centered right now
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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