Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
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Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
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He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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