i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
