...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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