How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Two words: blizzard sex
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
