Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
