I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
