He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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