mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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