i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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