I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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