There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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