Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
