She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
