mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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