hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
