dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
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If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
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I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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