watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
